How to help a man with anxiety

It's widely assumed men experience anxiety less than women. But that's not the whole story.

Men are less likely to talk about anxiety or seek help for it. That means it often goes undiagnosed and unsupported. And when guys do try to manage it, they're more likely to reach for a dangerous coping mechanism, like drinking too much or using drugs.

We need to talk about this more. Starting here.

Anxiety by the numbers

• Around 1 in 5 men will experience anxiety at some point in life. The real number is probably much higher.
• In one UK survey, nearly half of all men said they've experienced anxiety at work so severe that it was difficult to function.

And that last point gets at what makes anxiety different from everyday stress or worry. Feeling anxious is a normal part of life. If you spot a snake on a trail, your brain should fire. That's healthy. It becomes a problem when:

• Anxiety shows up when there's no actual threat to your safety or wellbeing.
• The level of anxiety is way out of proportion to what's happening (say, a work presentation).
• It's so intense it makes it hard to speak or function.

Types of anxiety

Anxiety can show up in a number of ways.

• Generalised anxiety: persistent worry about lots of different things, or no one thing in particular.
• Social anxiety: fear or dread in social situations.
• Panic attacks: sudden episodes of acute fear, often with physical symptoms like a racing heart or shortness of breath.
• Phobias: extreme anxiety tied to a specific situation or thing, like heights or spiders.
• PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder): a condition following severe physical or psychological trauma.
• OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder): characterised by repetitive, unwanted and uncontrolled thoughts and behaviours.

Important: anxiety disorders are specific conditions that can only be diagnosed by a qualified professional.

Two forms that are especially common in men are worth calling out.

• Workplace anxiety: fuelled by long hours, high pressure and job insecurity. It can be particularly difficult to manage because most people are reluctant to raise it with a manager or a teammate.
• Health-related anxiety: a preoccupation with the belief that you have, or are in danger of developing, a serious illness. It can be linked to panic disorders and OCD.

What causes anxiety in men?

The causes differ from person to person, but some of the common ones include:

• Stress at work: imposter syndrome, unrealistic expectations about productivity or career progression. Even success can become a source of anxiety.
• Relationship challenges: difficulty with a partner, spouse or family member.
• Traumatic experiences: a car accident, a serious illness, or losing someone close.
• Health issues: including heart disease, diabetes, cancer or hormonal changes. Low testosterone has been linked to anxiety in some men and can raise cortisol, the body's main stress hormone.

Signs and symptoms to watch for

You don't need to be an expert to notice when someone close to you seems off. But it helps to know what to look for. Use this as a guide for when to reach out, not as a way to diagnose someone.

Physical signs

• Excessive sweating
• Frequent headaches
• Racing heart
• Stomach problems
• Trouble sleeping and persistent tiredness

Behavioural signs

• Irritability or angry outbursts that are more frequent or severe than usual
• Difficulty focusing
• Constant or excessive worry, dread, rumination or racing thoughts
• Hyper-vigilance: always braced for the next thing to go wrong
• Losing interest in things he used to enjoy
• Pulling back from people or situations

How anxiety is treated

Anxiety isn't something that just disappears. But it can absolutely be managed. With the right care and support, guys can get on top of their symptoms so anxiety stops running the show.

There are broadly three approaches.

Lifestyle changes

Some straightforward changes to daily habits can make a real difference:

• Getting enough sleep and building in proper rest
• Exercising regularly
• Eating well
• Picking up a hobby or doing something creative
• Practising meditation or breathing exercises
• Journalling as a daily way to process what's going on
• Cutting back on alcohol, tobacco and caffeine

Talking to someone

Therapy can help identify what's driving the anxiety and build better strategies for managing it. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is one of the most common and effective approaches. It works by:

• Identifying the specific thought patterns or behaviours behind the anxiety
• Equipping the person with better ways of coping
• Giving practical strategies to draw on when anxiety kicks in

Medication

Not everyone needs medication, but it can be a useful part of the picture. There are different types, some taken daily and some used in moments of high anxiety. If you're not sure whether medication is the right call, a doctor is the best starting point. It can take a bit of time to find the right fit, and even then it usually takes a couple of weeks to feel the difference.

Practical ways to support someone with anxiety

A lot of men grow up being told not to ask for help. It may be on you to say something if you notice a shift in someone you care about. Here's what to keep in mind.

• Tell him you've got his back, no matter what.
• Be specific and non-judgemental when you mention changes you've noticed.
• Ask open questions that invite more than a yes or no.
• If he's not ready to talk, don't push. Just let him know you're there when he is.

It's also about showing up consistently. Don't make every catch-up about his anxiety. Do things together that are easy and low-key. Go for a run. Grab a coffee. Make it feel normal.

Gently encourage self-care: getting outside, staying active, eating well, sleeping enough. And if you think he'd benefit from talking to a professional, say so. Offer to help him find someone, or even go with him to an appointment if that makes it easier.

What not to do

• Don't go quiet on him or pull away.
• Don't minimise what he's feeling. Telling someone to snap out of it, or to just keep busy, does more harm than good.
• Don't try to diagnose him or prescribe solutions. Leave that to the professionals.

If you're genuinely worried about his immediate safety, contact emergency services.

With the right care and support, anxiety can be managed. The first step is talking about it more openly. That's where you come in.

Struggling, or worried about someone else? Find support resources here.