How to talk to someone about their mental health

So what do you actually say? And what should you definitely not say?

Here's what you need to know.

How to get the conversation started

Knowing where to start is often the hardest part. You don't want to put pressure on someone who isn't ready to talk, but you also don't want to just do nothing. Here are three ways to open the door.

1. Keep in low-key

"We need to talk about your mental health" is not the opener you're looking for. Neither is a formal sit-down that feels like a job interview.

Side-by-side tends to work better than face-to-face. Less eye contact, less pressure. A drive somewhere. A walk. Fishing. Golf. Doing the dishes. Find something you both do anyway and let the conversation happen around it.

2. Ask open-ended questions

"You ok?" is easy to brush off with a "yep" and a subject change. Instead, name something specific you've noticed.

Try: "You've been a bit quieter than usual lately. Is there anything you're wrestling with right now?"

Or if you already know something's going on: "How's that situation with [X] affecting you at the moment?"

Lead with care, not interrogation. It's fine to press a little. It's not fine to badger. The goal is showing them you're genuinely interested, not just ticking the "checked in on mate" box.

3. Make it a judgment-free zone

If they're still holding back after a couple of open questions, reassure them it's safe to talk. Sometimes people just need to hear it out loud before they'll believe it. And once they do open up, how you respond next matters just as much as the invitation to talk.

What to do when someone opens up

Getting someone to open up is the hard part. Here's how to make sure you don't fumble it once they do.

• Don't come in hot with answers. You're not their therapist. You're their mate. Resist the urge to diagnose, fix, or problem-solve. That's not what's needed here.
• Listen to hear, not to respond. If you're already thinking about what you're going to say while they're still talking, you're going to miss things. A good test: try repeating back what they've said and ask if you've got it right. "So what I'm hearing is X. Is that right?" It shows you're paying attention.
• Stay calm. Some of what they share might worry you. That's normal. But your job is to be a steady presence, not a reactive one.
• Keep it between you. Unless you're genuinely concerned for their safety, what they've shared is theirs to share, not yours. If there is an immediate safety concern, reach out to their doctor or call emergency services.
• Let them know they're not the only one. For a lot of guys, it helps to know they're not alone. Share something of your own if it fits. Just keep the focus on them.
• Knock the stigma on the head. Mental health challenges are not a character flaw or a sign of weakness. It takes real guts to open up. Tell them that.
• Encourage them to look after themselves. Sleep, fresh air, movement. The basics matter. Better yet, do some of it with them.
• Check in regularly. Don't leave it to chance. Put a reminder in your phone if you have to. Even a quick text means a lot.

One more thing: your mate is more than their mental health challenge. You don't need to make every interaction about how they're going. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be a normal friend.

What not to say

Words matter. Here's what to avoid.

1. Skip the stigmatising language

Words like "crazy", "nuts" and "insane" carry a lot of weight, even when they're used casually. Steer clear of them altogether. It's a small thing that makes a real difference.

2. Don't downplay what they're going through

Comparing their situation to something minor in your own life, or implying they're overreacting, shuts conversations down fast. Lines like these do more damage than people realise:

• "Oh, don't worry about it."
• "Why are you making such a big deal out of it?"
• "Cheer up, you'll be fine tomorrow."
• "Just think positive."

And keep casual references to suicide out of your vocabulary entirely. "This traffic is killing me" might seem harmless, but language shapes culture. Use words that dignify what the person is going through.

3. Don't shut down or change the subject

Being scared of saying the wrong thing is understandable. Letting that fear stop you from engaging at all is worse. If someone opens up to you and you change the subject or go quiet, that lands hard. You don't need to have the right words. Being present and trying counts for more than you think. It's okay to say: "I'm not always sure what to say, but I'm here because I care."

If they're not ready to talk yet

Don't force it. Let them know you're there no matter what. You can also nudge them gently towards professional support, but nudge is the word. Badgering someone into seeing a doctor or a psychologist rarely works. What does work is staying consistent, showing up, and keeping the door open.

If they're resistant to taking that step alone, offer to help them find someone. Offer to come with them. A lot of guys find it easier to do hard things when they know they're not doing them solo.

Above all, don't pull back. Spend time with them. Show up. That's what a mate wrestling with their mental health needs more than anything else.

If you're ever worried about someone's immediate safety, call emergency services or go to your nearest emergency department. If they need someone to talk to right now, support is available.