Keep Your Cool

The Chicago Bulls (one of the greatest teams in basketball history) spent part of their training sitting still, learning to breathe. No plays. No drills. Just breathing. Their coach treated composure the same way he treated a jump shot: something you practise until it’s second nature. Because even the GOATs feel the pressure rise. The skill is knowing what to do when it does.

You don’t need to be a pro baller to know the moments. The jaw tightens. The ears go hot. There’s a half-second where you can still choose what happens next, right before you say something you can’t take back. Guys of all ages hit that point. Sometimes the pressure gets the better of us. Sometimes it’s the opposite: a door quietly closing, a mate who’s gone unusually silent. Either way, staying steady under pressure is a skill, and it’s one that can be built.

Know the triggers

Most of us are pretty consistent about what sets us off, which means triggers can be spotted and planned for. Look for patterns. Is it too much noise? Performance anxiety at work or on the field? The dread that lands when a new deadline hits? The specifics vary from person to person, but the patterns tend to repeat.

Once you know the trigger, you’re already a step ahead.

Get in front of it

Paying attention to thoughts, feelings and physical cues is a big part of building resilience. If noise is the problem, plan for it: headphones on a busy commute, a walk when the house gets loud. When the trigger is more situational, helpful self-talk can take the heat out of it.

Encourage calling out the unhelpful thought, then answering it with a fairer one. “I’m not going to fit in” becomes “I’ve got a couple of good mates going and they’ve got my back.” Or lean into something real: “I’m good at making people laugh.” It’s not toxic positivity. It’s just training the mind not to catastrophise.

Find what works

There’s no universal coping strategy. The best one is the one that actually gets used. Some work best before things boil over; others are for calming down in the moment. Worth trying:

• Journalling, getting it out of your head and onto paper
• Connecting with friends, family or community
• Stepping away from screens for a bit
• Getting moving outdoors
• Creative outlets like music, art or sport

Try a few and see what sticks.

Just breathe

Slow, controlled breathing from the belly is one of the most effective ways to settle strong emotions, whether they’re simmering quietly or about to blow. There are plenty of techniques out there (box breathing, or just counting slow exhales). The best one is whichever you’ll actually practise. Find it and make it a habit you can reach for when the pressures on.

When it goes quiet

Not every emotional response looks like an eruption. Sometimes it’s the opposite: going quiet, pulling away, shutting down. If someone who’s normally outgoing suddenly goes quiet, that’s worth noticing too.

Either way, the move is the same: stay calm yourself, skip the ‘just relax’ (it never works), and give them time and space to settle before you try to talk.

To keep yourself calm, train for it. Strong emotions come to all of us. That part’s not optional. What we can change is what happens next. Catch the trigger, name what you’re feeling, and find a strategy that works. Even a few slow breaths is a start.

When you do this, regulating your emotions isn’t clunky and difficult. It becomes something you’ve trained for.

Struggling, or worried about someone else? Find support resources here.