How does Don Draper reflect the changing roles of men in the 21st century?

Don Draper is the ultimate 1960s ad man from AMC’s Mad Men, which came to end today.  Don is a man with perfect style. He is supremely confident, cool under pressure, and admired by everyone for his creative genius and ability to close a deal. 

Don’s ambition and drive overcame a traumatic childhood and a less than honorable tour of Korea with the US Army. At the height of Don’s success he had everything - a beautiful wife and children, a Manhattan apartment and the ultimate job, a successful leader of his own agency and a legend of his industry.  Don was a perfectionist, which seemed to be driven more by what he thought other people expected of him than his own priorities. With that, people came to expect perfection from Don. He was “the man.” 

Don, however, was also a man whose emotions were in lockdown, as he obsessed with being successful and in control. As seen in the show’s opening credits, after his success came his spiraling downfall, triggered by a series of events: the loss of his second marriage to Megan, a daughter who disowned him, the decline of his agency, and eventually, the loss of his job.  

As men often do, Don masked his depressed state through his many vices, excessive drinking, smoking and womanizing. Like too many middle-aged men today, Don didn’t have any meaningful social connections because he put work and other things ahead of staying connected. With no one to go to, Don isolated himself, which led him to a very dark place. 

For all the progress we have made since the 1960s, the idea of what it means to be a man is stuck in that era. The expectation is that men must be a fighter and a winner, a provider and a protector, must be in control at all times and never show vulnerability.  If you break any of these rules, accordingly, you’re not a real man. 

The power of these kinds of perceived expectations of others can have a very damaging effect on men, particularly when you believe you have fallen short. Don’s self-esteem was perilously dependent on maintaining an impossibly consistent level of success.  As we saw with Don, in situations where men feel they have failed, and we all do at some point, we can spiral out of control into depression and even become suicidal. 

The situation is compounded by male stereotypes that existed in Don’s world, and still exist in the modern man today.  Men, to their detriment, often find it hard to talk about the challenges in their life. This is especially true when they are not coping.    

Don’s situation, like so many others, created a compounding effect with seemingly irreversible momentum.  This was the combined result of a series of challenging life moments, a sense of failure and shame, excessive alcohol consumption and isolation. 

With 3 out of 4 deaths by suicide being men and on average 87 men take their life each day in the US…we have a crisis on our hands. According to Movember Foundation funded research, men between 35 and 54 are at the greatest risk of isolation and have a higher risk of mental health problems, even suicide. Put simply, we need to act.  

“Is that what you want, or is that what people expect of you?” - Don Draper, Season Four, The Good New